I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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