I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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