Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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