did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
