this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize