You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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