why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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