I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
