My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
