Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
we should paint friendship bongs
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