you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
