It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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