she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
