Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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