Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize