dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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