so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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