I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
