hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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