worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
