true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
