I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
