He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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