I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize