I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
