drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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