Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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