Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm đđ»đ
We are so blessed
No he doesnât answer my texts except for like on New Yearâs Because like I was fucked up on New Yearâs and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you canât really recover from that
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
