you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm too high and old for this...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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