I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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