So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
