i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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