textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
