everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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