i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
