Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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