thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
