Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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