went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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