he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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