It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He passed out mid-signature
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
