Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
