can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
