I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
