ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
