He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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