from now on my penis is your penis
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Randomize
