babies were throwing up all over the place
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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