i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
