Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
