God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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