So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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