they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
