so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
