you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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