Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
