I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
