oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
