This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
did you just send me my own nude
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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