i wish there were pregnant emoticons
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
