Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
