it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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