your thong is hanging out like whoa
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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