i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
