he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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