my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
