My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize